You have spoken and we listened. There seems to be a demand for hard-hitting, uncompromising news about cake. Let’s kick off with a little song by The Cake:
Unfortunately, the low quality of the song has set a low standard for this article. Please do not expect too much, this post is a bit unnecessary.
Cake belongs to the bread family. It is tasty and it can have various flavours, such as: kiwi, strawberry, cheese, sausage. One might ask: sausage?? Yes, it is true, here is the proof.
Apparently cake can be made with just about anything, and it can have all different colours as well as shapes, such as this cake made to resemble a celebrity of African descent, lil wayne:
Some cake artists go as far as combining the tasty with the nasty, which ought to rhyme, such as in this brilliant example of vagina cupcakes:
Scanning the internet for vagina cakes provides us with a rather interesting insight into contemporary ideas of beauty: a vast majority of vagina cakes are made in colour pink. I’m not saying that other colours are not represented, one can find the odd light brown or darker shade brown cupcake pussy published online. But the majority is light-to-medium pink. Is this the colour of preference? Is this choice purely based on aesthetics, or perhaps the longing for a bright-toned vadge cake can be linked to neo-colonialism and other related social stratifications based on appearance?
A bizarre insight into the issue is provided by a recent Indian ad campaign for a product which promises to keep your husband interested in you by bleaching your vagina.
The campaign argues:
‘Designed to address the problems women face in their private parts, Clean and Dry Intimate Wash offers protection, fairness and freshness. To be used while showering, its special pH-balanced formula cleans and protects the affected area, and even makes the skin fairer. Life for women will now be fresher, cleaner, fairer!’
It is not surprising that people with excess income invest time and money into their appearance, which is quite well exemplified in the sales of (supposedly) beautifying products in this country. There are slimming pills, tanning potions, teeth whitening procedures, hair dyes, products and services which make your face look younger, your feet smaller, eyes brighter, and breasts bigger. There seems to be an aid for all appearance-related shortcomings. But the skin-whitening products have always elicited a tad of unsettling sourness, as somehow, on some level, they are seen as linked to economic and social superiority. Interestingly, it is not just class and race we’re up against here, as some have suggested the newly-adopted-already-a-norm practices involving our nether regions draw their inspiration from porn flicks. So it might not be just a longing for being white and superior – it might be a much more straightforward desire to conform to female porn ideals, such as low weight, large bosom, absolutely no hair anywhere apart from the head, and now we can add anal and vaginal bleaching. (Incidentally, I wonder intently whether bicarbonate of soda would work here as a DIY solution to this ‘problem’? I mean, it bleaches your teeth, and the teeth are harder than the skin! Must find out.)
Work on oneself never stops in this factory of perfect specimens. We could even make here an intelligent-sounding link to Michel Foucault and his Technologies of the Self. I will leave you now to ponder this new beauty development, our lives, essence of existence, universe and everything. I hope that Henri, the existential cat, will be of some inspiration.
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